Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
