You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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