i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
