His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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