Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
