My liver just broke up with me...
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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