The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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