Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
