Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Your cock deserves a montage
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
