The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize