oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
