Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize