who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
