@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
