well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
