also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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