Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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