Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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