Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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