Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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