don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
