I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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