my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
