I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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