what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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