Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
