I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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