you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
