I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
