Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
