dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
