You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
