is your mom at the bar?
Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
