My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
