He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
