i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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