i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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