ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
