i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
