Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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