why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
