You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
All the doctor said was why
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
