so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
