he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
