between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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