Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
