she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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