her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
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