Your tits are I can't wait for
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Dear god my vagina.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
