Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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