So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
