If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
