So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize