then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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