I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
