New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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