What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
