I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
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