Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
