I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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