Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
