How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
