smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
i've created a new STD.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
