Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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