Is it normal to miss your booty call?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
