Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
