like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
