my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize