We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
