Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I'm passing your future prison.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
