just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Boobs are out for the taking
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
