I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
We smell like vodka and hangover
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
