my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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