Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
